Thursday, May 31, 2012

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies

Civil War History and Zombies. Two of my favorite topics blended together in a puree of fine film making. Brought to you by Asylum Films, producers of Two Headed Shark Attack, Nazis at the Center of the Earth and the soon to be released American Battleship. Asylum proudly proclaims - 150 Films in 15 Years! - which should give you an idea of the quality involved. American Battleship and Abe Lincoln vs Zombies preempts this summer's blockbuster Abe Lincoln, Vampire Slayer and Battleship. Asylum hopes you'll get confused. I get confused. They get me every time. The wife wonders why I waste my time on such crap. Because it's there - that's why.

Fun historical fact. Lincoln actually arranged his own assassination after being bitten by his hooker zombie girlfriend who he kept chained to a barn wall while searching for a cure. I was hoping they would flesh out that relationship a little more. This film has everything - Abe Lincoln with a sling blade, Sec of War Seward, John Wilkes Booth disguised as a Secret Service agent, Teddy Roosevelt as a boy (I swear), Pat Garrett, Stonewall Jackson wearing a beard so fake you can make out the ear loops, 2 busty hookers and a black guy who doesn't get killed. I know. I didn't see that coming. Two stumps up.

Friday, May 18, 2012

The More Things Change...

Twat or Lollypop?

Nice to know porn has been with us since the dawn of time. And will be with us until the sun super-novas. There is some controversy as to whether the carving does indeed represent a vulva since the scientists who made the discovery have never actually seen one (full disclosure - stolen joke from comments in referenced link). Me - I'm going with a dandelion. Unless the guy carved it one handed. Then maybe I can see it.