Thursday, October 28, 2010

None Dare Call It Sleazin'

Do you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling?
Poor Ann Coulter. She's been kind of marginalized since the wingnuts have found fruitier loops in the box. Far fruitier. Even though the new breed, Palin, O'Donnell and Bachman have trouble generating a tweet between them and can't answer a direct question on any topic without resorting to Constitution, freedom or momma-somethings, they seem to have reduced Ann to a vague web presence and syndication in two bit small town newspapers (which counts for balance in these parts - point and counterpoint with Eugene Robinson - god help us). Even though Ann has managed (I assume on her own) to write whole books full of incoherencies and an actual column with real words and everything. Sad, really. Her desperate aging fame-whoredom reminds me of an aging hooker strutting around in her muffintop hot pants trying to get a reaction out of someone, anyone. At best Coulter's attempts at vitriol elicit the same confused and vaguely nauseated reaction as Wolf Blitzer and Chris Coons had during the debate.. Liberals? Yeah, I've heard of them. Kind of like the Whigs or something, right? But she gamely keeps applying the face paint and pressing on, hoping for some sort of reaction. Here's one, more out of pity than anything else:

In all of life's tribulations, there is nothing so aggravating as being condescended to by an idiot. In last week's CNN debate in the Delaware Senate race between the astonishingly well-spoken Christine O'Donnell and the unfortunate-looking Chris Coons, O'Donnell had to put up with it from Coons for 90 minutes.
O'Donnell wiped the floor with Coons, moderators Wolf Blitzer and Nancy Karibjanian, and the idiotic University of Delaware students asking questions – all of whom were against her.

Wiped the floor with Coons? Well, O'Donnell didn't throw up and no monkeys flew out of her ass so I suppose that counts as a victory of sorts. Astonishing is right. And I really think a woman with a bad dye job and an adam's apple shouldn't characterize anyone as "unfortunate looking". Stupid students, anyway. Always with the questions.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

And the Problem Is...?

Yo! I'm talking to you

  "The social transformations we have seen over recent decades have complex causes, the roots of which are distant in time and have profoundly modified our perception of the world. ... If, on the one hand, humanity has seen undeniable benefits from these transformations and the Church received further stimuli to give reasons for the hope she carries, on the other, we have seen a worrying loss of the sense of the sacred, even going so far as to call into discussion apparently unquestionable foundations, such as faith in the God of creation and providence; the revelation of Jesus Christ our only Saviour, the shared understating of man's fundamental experiences like birth, death and family life, and the reference to natural moral law".
From the apostolic letter Ubicumque et Sempter (Everywhere and Always) issued Moto pro prio (because I can) to announce the founding of a new Vatican Agency tasked with evangelizing the backsliders. Issued originally only  in Latin and Italian. I suppose the Popester wanted to see how it played with the home team and Classics scholars before disseminating it in a language someone actually speaks. Sure there's the grudging admission that 400 years of post Enlightenment scientific and social progress in the Western European democracies has increased the standard of living beyond what 2000 years of Christian statehood could even dream of but don't these poor souls know that while their bellies are full, their souls are wandering thirstily in a spiritual desert. And even if these Europeans know, they don't appear to care. Funny how the least religious countries are the ones that you would most like to live in. Excepting the good ole USA, I guess. We appear to be a special case where evidence based knowledge and superstitious dumbassery uneasily coexist, often in the same person.

So good luck, Papa Bene. You're gonna need it. One question: If there is such a thing as Natural Moral Law why do we need religion at all?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fox Hires Guy Named Juan

How about that. They are fair and balanced. NPR dumps Williams and he surfaces with a 2 million dollar contract from Fox News. Tragic. I know how Williams feels - guys in camo make me nervous.

Friday, October 08, 2010

Goo goo G'joob

Far out - if she is me than who am I or is I am you as you are he as we are all together? Freak me out - I think she is a witch

"I'm nothing like you've heard"
Are you anything like what you've said?

"I'll go to Washington and do what you'd do"
Visit the Hall of Human Origins? I doubt that.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

You're At That Age...

When you can't get it up and you've forgotten everything you ever knew about cars. Seen that Viagra commercial with that "self reliant" can do guy driving through the desert in his primered '69 Camaro? He looks relaxed but more likely is depressed. Not only can't he get it up or afford to paint his car but everything is in black and white and he doesn't have so much as a bridge abutment to run into to end it all. Anyway, the car overheats and this guy rolls into a two bit service station, gets a liter of chilled water and pours it in the radiator and cruises on down the road. How he popped the radiator cap without suffering second degree burns and poured the ice cold water into radiator without cracking the block I do not know. My experience in cars of that era involved heavy towels, fountains of rusty scalding coolant and a lot of running around screaming "Oh, shit!". Maybe Mr. Self Reliant is at that age where he spent 3 hours trying to piss and everything cooled down by the time he got back to the car.

So he cruises back into town and pulls in next to the wifey's minivan. The implication being that she can't wait for her Mr. Softee  to get home.  Hope he remembered the boner pills or, at least, is good with his hands..

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

I Still Ain't Got It

You know how some people say "I'm not getting older, I'm getting better"? Well, those people can go fuck themselves because it ain't true. Nothing like 5 minutes on the soccer field to disabuse one of the notion that "young at heart" makes up for "old in body". It was during the weekly Giants vs. Trolls pickup game at soccer practice that I found out that my current limit of full tilt running is less than 5 seconds at a clip, followed by a ten minute recovery time. And I used to play club soccer in high school. Faster than most with no left foot (to clarify, I have a left foot but I just can't kick with it), I loved to race down the sideline and arc the ball towards the goal where those team mates more temperamentally suited  to pain would take the shots. It didn't even matter who it went to, I just loved that arc. Now I just dribble down my shirt. My brother was one of the inside guys due to a rather unique genetic mutation. Picture Schwarzenegger legs on a Pee Wee Herman torso (with a Grizzly Adams forehead) and you got yourself a striker.

What made my performance even more embarrassing was that every time I turned around one of the 57 little buggers was practicing his (or her) slide tackle and planting me on my ass.  Real funny, pick on the old guy. In my defense they were 3rd graders. Mostly.