Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Don't Spray Me, Bro!

a spray on tanning session goes horribly awry

Sometimes I wish I knew what I was talking about. Hard to be the archetype wise old grandfather when you're not sure of anything at all.

(Watching the infamous pepper spray video at UC Davis with my granddaughter)

"That cop should be thrown in jail. Those kids are just sitting there and he's coating them with pepper spray.

What's pepper spray do?

It burns your eyes and skin.

Why didn't the police stop him?

He is the police.

I mean the other police.

I guess they were the only ones there. Looks like a peaceful protest to me.

What were they protesting?

Umm....uh.....I don't know...."

Of course the torture apologists come out of the wood work to defend the police acting with "proper protocol". Bullshit. Proper protocol is dragging them off to the paddy wagon if you feel you have to move them. Off course it looks like Officer Tubbs is too fat to bend over and tie his own shoe let alone drag a bunch of squirmy teenagers off the road. Color me disgusted.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Good Things Come in Threes

Texican Governor Rick Perry has unleashed his latest plan to make America great again. He will uproot the three branches of government, shake their roots clean of bureaucratic filth and plant them in pure soil nourished by the blood of patriots where they will bring forth a new tree of liberty which we will call Teximerica. Oh yeah, and JOBS.

The Governor explains:
"I'm going to Washington to uproot and overhaul the three branches of government. The Legislative, the Judicial and ...you know... that other one...the one with the President in it... The ARMY!...The Legislative, Judicial and the Army."
The Governor continues:
"Unique to the Republican field, I have never been an establishment fighure, have never served in Congress or part of an administration, have never been a paid lobbyist, have never talked in complete sentences or forgot to comb my hair, have never read a book without pictures and have never gone jogging without packing a sidearm."

Poster from vjack

Friday, November 11, 2011

Perverts to the Left of Me - Perverts to the Right

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. I've got to be the world's worst judge of character. First it was Anthony - D thanks a lot, my congressional hero, caught sending Weiner-grams and just last week I was telling the wife that even if Penn State is not a national contender at least they run the cleanest program in college ball. Say it ain't so, Joe.

Et tu -Hermanus? Cain didn't recognize his latest accuser. Maybe if he saw the back of her head it would jog his memory. Or possibly he could identify her by touch.

Even if half of what the grand jury heard is true the sick bastard is going away for the rest of his life. I guess being a defensive genius doesn't get you a free pass to anally rape children. Not a lifetime pass, anyway. What a strange bizarre compulsion. Sandusky had to know what he was risking. Disturbing. Even more disturbing is the cover up. A friend said it best - maybe Sandusky couldn't stop himself but there were people around him who could. Putting kids at risk to protect Penn State's reputation. Something is rotten on the inside and it goes far beyond this incident. When the perverse influence of big time college football money runs into actual eye popping perversion everyone acts all shocked. We shouldn't. The money - the militarism - the merchandise -unpaid boys risking injury to bring in the dough. The whole thing stinks. Wonder what the line for the Nebraska game is?

We are all a little stunned here at work, this being big time Penn State territory and all. Too stunned to even joke about it. One guy is so upset at Joe's firing that he won't let his kids go to Penn State. Another thinks Joe should sue for wrongful discharge. And some asshole thinks the circus was in town and Sandusky was actually caught with a midget and we all owe him a big apology. Sandusky, not the little person. 

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

My E Receipt from K MART

04318010937 NIGHTLIGHT 1 4.29 T

07200079007 TOWEL RING 1 BG 3.49 T

09072708097 SKELETON 1 3.99 T

03400036307 X-MAS CANDY 1 A 19.99 F


Purchase date: 11/09/11
Tax: .71  

You can get a great deal on skeletons right after Halloween.
I was going to crank up the nightlight, munch on some candy
and admire my skeleton but I can't fit the skull through the
towel ring. I guess that's why most people accessorize with the
ceiling fan.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

So Ha!

That's what I get from my granddaughter when I make a minor factual error while I'm correcting her. Something along the lines of -
'Why didn't you clean up the Cheerios you spilled on the floor? -
They're not Cheerios, they're Rice Krispies - So Ha!'
 'Didn't I tell you to turn off Big Time Rush and do your homework? -
It's not Big Time Rush it's Zeke and Luther - So ha!'

The 'So ha!' is the triumphant end of all argument. No amount of reason or rational argumentation will sway the 'So Ha!' moment. It is final. It is unassailable. I am defenseless against it. I sputter in impotent rage as she flounces off secure in her 'ah ha -ness'.

So the Republicans gave us the Reagan and Bush tax cuts coupled with two off the books wars and two unfunded mandates ( No Child Left Behind and the Prescription Drug Benefit) that gave us record deficits and the excuse to gin up a debt controversy to try to force the President to peel back social programs that date back to the New Deal. Of course no tax cuts - no deficit. But that's beside the point. Somehow it was seen as a political victory by the Republicans to force the issue to the super committee. I see it different. By a little political ju jutsu the Prez has got poor Speaker Boehner's head stuck in a corner while he whips his bare ass like a Texas judge. If the super committee fails what gets cut firstest and mostest?- why defense of course. Now Republican Congressmen can go home to their districts over the holidays and explain to all the defense workers (like my wife so you know I'm not exactly thrilled about this scenario) that their bases are going to be shut down because they refused to raise the taxes on millionaires. So Ha!