Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What I Was Wrong About (a multipart series)

"Acid is good for you"


Back when drugs were good for you I used to think that if only everybody would drop a little acid the world would be a better place. There would be no more wars, no strife since everyone would feel the interconnectedness of being that makes us all one. I didn't figure on Moonies, Manson, Hare Krishnas, Jesus Freaks and Scientologists arisng out of the drug addled brew of the Sixties. You loose your anchor to reality often enough and any kind of structure starts to look pretty good. I used to say that everyone should try acid "at least once". I'm not so sure. Some people have natural schizophrenic tendencies and are already halfway round the bend and a little drug induced pareidolia might just send them all the way around the benderer. I think all the great religious traditions started with a little charismatic paranoia, maybe helped along with a few mind altering substances.

As for me, I figured that if a little acid, once in a while, could give me a little insight, a lot of acid, all the time, would give me a lot of insight. A word of warning for you late blooming hippies out there: if you drop acid 3 or 4 times a week for an entire semester, your school work may suffer. Do you know what it means when you walk into a room and turn around and watch yourself walk into yourself, when the sky splits open in the middle of the day and you see stars and the devil's in the tree and your friend is Jesus and you're St. Paul and you look into the eyes of your soul mate and realized you are tied together for all eternity in a neverending ascending and descending mirror universe, living out all your past, present and future lives simultaneously with the backdrops changing as you move through time caught in the instant of perfect love?

Well, it means you got ahold of some pretty good acid. It also means that you might want to tone it down a bit, for you might find, as I did, that when you start to emerge from that chaotic internal funny farm that you have created for yourself, that your friend isn't Jesus, you're not St. Paul and your soul mate just isn't that fond of you after all.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Cars Are People, Too

More brainstorming from Casey Luskin, ringmaster of the circus known as the Discovery Institute:

"Bailey makes the simplistic (and inadequate) argument for neo-Darwinism based upon the fact that the fossil record shows that species have changed over time and younger fossils more closely resemble living species than older fossils. But this argument makes three mistakes:

(1) 2001 car models more closely resemble 2008 car models than do 1922 car models, but no one is arguing that cars evolved without intelligent design;"

Good point. Left to the forces of mutation and selection, automotive technology would not have advanced much past the wheel (Question for Darwinists - How did the wheel evolve, anyway?). It took a hundred years of selective breeding by Intelligent Agents to give us the diversity of automotive species we see today. I know from bitter experience the devolution that can occur when unguided natural forces are at work. I had a frisky 72 Toyota Corona Mark II wagon that jumped the fence one night and got to humping with my 53 Chevy Sedan Delivery. The resultant offspring looked like an unholy cross between a Cushman motor scooter and a 62 Volvo P544. I couldn't give them away. I knew I should have had that damn Toyota fixed.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Help Jessica Find Britney's Vagina

Concerned that Britney's vagina hasn't been seen in public in days, Jessica has launched a nationwide search to find the missing organ. Britney's vagina disappeared shortly after being eliminated in the first round of the American Idol competition after Simon Cowell accused Britney's vagina of lacking "range". Producers at Dancing With the Stars had no comment on the rumoured report of Britney's vagina attempting to enter the popular dance contest paired with John McCain's penis. Brad is baffled, "I generally have no problem locating vaginas but Britney's vagina has proved to be particularly slippery." Angelina Jolie offered no comment. Madonna has filed suit in a Nigerian family court to take possession of Britney's vagina maintaining, "She obviously is in no position to care for it herself, while I have the means to care for Britney's vagina as if it were my very own.

So Jessica is pleading with her fans and vagina lovers everywhere to spread the word and search high and low for the runaway organ. Britney's vagina may be in trouble. Please help it find its way back.

(hat's off to Doc S for this shameless attempt to increase traffic)