Friday, March 23, 2012

Death Prefers Onion Rings

A group of us gathered around the nurses station. Of course, I was the spokesman for the group. We insisted on talking to Death. The doctor warned us that this would be a bad idea, Death doesn't like to be disturbed. We pushed past the desk and starting running up the stairs. Death walked out on the landing. Somebody cried, "There she is!". Oh yeah, Death is not a skeletal figure in a cloak with a scythe. Death is a seven foot dark haired woman, pale gray skin, hollow eyes, veiled in gray with a tall black headress. Looked kind of like Queen Amidala in Star Wars. (For the record I'm a Trekkie, not a Star Tard so erotic wish fulfillment is not the mechanism here. I hope). We invited Death to lunch because we had a lot of questions. We were sitting at a table in the hospital cafeteria. Death had taken off her gear and was kind of a pudgy, short woman with short hair. I asked Death why she took my little girl. A doctor stopped by and corrected me - Death doesn't take people - she works in this hospital to ease the transition for those who don't know they are dead.
I told Death I know she didn't do the killing but I wanted to know who took my little girl. Death smiled at me, told me she didn't like the fries and if I brought her some  some onion rings she would tell me. I had something to do so I told Death I'd bring her back some onion rings later. And I woke up with a raging headache.

Brought to you by revelation or double vaccination. Take your pick.


Friday, March 02, 2012

I'm Too Sexy for my Shirt

And all across America women's thighs are slamming shut and grown men are going forever limp at the thought of skeezy old Rushbo whacking off to listener donated sex tapes. Enough to turn the entire nation celibate. Maybe he ought to make a tape and donate it to high school sex ed classes. It would be the Signal 30 of abstinence only education. Of course, if you have gobs of money, a repellent personality and big ole man titties the only way you can have any kind of sexual contact is on a cash and carry basis. I'll bet even his hand finds him repulsive. Busted coming back from the Dominican Republic with a bootleg bottle of Viagra. Who's the slut now, Rush?