Saturday, April 21, 2012

Say Hello To My Little Friend

“Could they have planted bugs, disabled weapons,” or in other ways “jeopardized security of the president or our country? 

It is more than likely those ladies did plant some bugs but a little Quell should clear that up. If they happen to be resistant critters we may well have a national security breech and it's a good thing we have Rep King (R-Pantswetter) and Rep Issa (R-Douche) slavering to get to the bottom of it. I fear Senator Collins is right and somewhere in the melee a weapon (or several) may well have been compromised and probably discharged.

No doubt the House Committee on Investiging Stupid Shit will find that Obama bears full responsiblility for this incident. After all, if he hadn't gone to Columbia none of this would have happened. You can't really blame the advance team, they were just letting off a little steam. Probably per the President's orders. C'mon, we've all had those "Oh shit" moments the next day. You have a little too much to drink, go back to the hotel and order the combo - thinking that you're getting a pie and a liter of Coke and you end up with two hookers and an half ounce of cocaine. It's not like you can cancel the order. That would be rude.

Two of those busted were Marine dog handlers and you have to wonder if the dogs were at the party and, if they were, in what capacity? Drug sniffing? Bomb sniffing? Crotch sniffing? Say goodbye to your rank and your German shepherds boys. It's poodles for the rest of your tour. Little poofy white ones.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Wait a Second

62% of Men and 37% of Women Over the Age of 65 Are Sexually Active, Spanish Study Shows

That means half the guys are screwing someone else's old lady or half of them are screwing each other. And Spain has gay marriage. I don't think I need to draw you a picture. Rick Santorum warned us this would happen.