Run Away - Movies that Blow

Sitting around the pool last evening with my brother and his friends discussing films. During an arcane discussion on the relative merits of various vintage Danish gangster films I mentioned that the Prom Night remake is next on my Blockbuster queue and asked whether anyone had caught the last Resident Evil sequel. Everyone stopped talking, turned and looked at me like I'd taken a dump right there on the deck. Fine. I'll take my opinions elsewhere. Like here. If the following capsule reviews of the kind of lowbrow stuff I usually like save even one of my two readers from wasting a couple hours of his, her or it's life, then I will consider it time well spent.

Prom Night

The story:Crazed former high school teacher, obsessed with blond high school senior babe of suspect complexion and even more suspect acting skills, breaks out of mental institution and slashes his way through a bevy of twenty-something high schoolers before they even have a chance to get it on. No fair.

What blows:No sex. No gore. Healthy young people that flop to the ground and allow themselves to be stabbed to death. Less suspense than a Teletubbie adventure. Totally anticlimatic climax.

The Eye

The story: New peepers give rise to deadly premonitions and, by golly, we can't tell what is real.

What blows: Plods along to predictable conclusion you will see coming from a mile away if you haven't already plucked out your own eyeballs.

So PZ Wants a Cracker

Thanks a lot Dr. Myers. What's next? Pulling kids off Santa's lap at Macy's? Burning the flag outside the Marine Corps League at closing time? Setting the Easter Bunny on fire? Some of us live out here in the world trying to convince our religious communtities that they have nothing to fear from educating their kids in adequate science and along you come with this substandard piece of performance art. Trying to supplant Dawkins for Boogeyman of the Year? The Koran, the God Delusion and a banana skin for Ray Comfort. Nice touch. We get it. Belief bad, rationality good. Although I'm afraid we'll have to give you a C for composition.

Bringing up an 800 year old depredation of the Catholic church to justify unnecessarily pissing off 40% of the American electorate in the present? Drawing the attention of those idiots from the Catholic League. Sweet. Your rightous indignation concerning the treatment of that wafer smuggling student reminds me of another group of self appointed monitors of public morality. And just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Irrationality in defense of the rational is no virtue, sir. Love your blog, but in the future, please don't be such a dick.

RIP PID

PID has got me PO'd. It wasn't Satan, or the Dominionists, or the Nephilim, or the Roman Catholics, or the Bildeberg Group, or the Transhumanists, or the Grays, or the Masons or any one of a number of shadowy groups operating beyond the thin veil of reality that did in my favorite podcast. It was Derek and Sharon Gilbert, the Regis and Kathy Lee of paranoid eschatology, who pulled the plug themselves. Evidently the Lord has called them on to other things. Stupid Lord.

So check out the archives and find out the real reasons behind everything from the rising price of milk to the war in Iraq to the earthquakes in China. Good stuff.