Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Run Away - Movies that Blow

Sitting around the pool last evening with my brother and his friends discussing films. During an arcane discussion on the relative merits of various vintage Danish gangster films I mentioned that the Prom Night remake is next on my Blockbuster queue and asked whether anyone had caught the last Resident Evil sequel. Everyone stopped talking, turned and looked at me like I'd taken a dump right there on the deck. Fine. I'll take my opinions elsewhere. Like here. If the following capsule reviews of the kind of lowbrow stuff I usually like save even one of my two readers from wasting a couple hours of his, her or it's life, then I will consider it time well spent.

Prom Night

The story:Crazed former high school teacher, obsessed with blond high school senior babe of suspect complexion and even more suspect acting skills, breaks out of mental institution and slashes his way through a bevy of twenty-something high schoolers before they even have a chance to get it on. No fair.

What blows:No sex. No gore. Healthy young people that flop to the ground and allow themselves to be stabbed to death. Less suspense than a Teletubbie adventure. Totally anticlimatic climax.

The Eye

The story: New peepers give rise to deadly premonitions and, by golly, we can't tell what is real.

What blows: Plods along to predictable conclusion you will see coming from a mile away if you haven't already plucked out your own eyeballs.

No comments:

Post a Comment