The American Psychological Association has determined that programs designed to ungay gays do not work and do not change the sexual orientation of gay men. Gayness is incurable. So is blond hair, blue eyes and strawberry allergies. It may be hard to exactly pinpoint what constitutes being gay. It seems to be a sliding scale ranging from drag queens to art handlers to megachurch pastors to orthopedic surgeons to Republican senators to the guys back in D&E to married with children to polygamists to Double Y's. Maybe the scale isn't linear but curves back on itself, kind of like, um, a circle. But I don't want to think about that.
Reaction from recently outed public figures has been swift:
"I'm so furious I could slap somebody. I took the cure and I'm one hundred per cent fabulous heterosexual man meat. I'm living proof it works."
Ted Haggard - unemployed former holy man
"See, I told you. But I'm still not gay."
Larry Craig - former Senator and current men's room attendant
But Scripto, you say: Being that you have no knowledge of genetics and even less of embryology, how can you be so sure that homosexuality is innate rather than a choice? Here's how,