Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Queen of the Damned

Dr. D. James Kennedy (the D stands for dead), a Presbyterian minister whose avuncular pronouncements on culture and science left him one purple robe and one rich congregation short of handing out the rattlesnakes at some backwoods hillbilly church, has risen from the grave with a new effort from Coral Ridge Ministries, Taking a Second Look at Dover. The clip is short but packed with enough misinformation to have Dead James' clumsy thumbprints all over it. If the Lord loves a liar, D. James made it to the big time. If not, I can imagine the Lord slapping him upside the head when he reached the Pearly Gates; "Jesus Christ, Jimmy, I left you all the fossils. What the fuck were you thinking? By the way, I also made the homos." Whereupon he was sentenced to an eternity of slow dancing with Jerry Falwell in a gay bar in hell, never to consummate the love that dare not speak its name.

We start with the obligatory Scopes trial and a preacher yellin' and an explanation that preachers don't really yell like that, an interview with some clown who said the Dover decision was wrong but didn't matter anyway, an interview with some other clown who has a Masters in Science(?) from (wait for it)........YALE. I looked it up. It's a degree in forestry science, which is fine, but they ask him a legal question, which he, of course, blows. Interspersed with this is about 87 snaps of the letters ACLU carved in stone like some sort of Nazi emblem and a shot of Eugenie Scott on her way to drown some puppies. All leading up to the guest of honor; yes, ladies and gentlemen, that blond bombshell of bullshit, the girl that grabs any limp dick idea that comes down the pike as long as it hangs to the right, the girl who was personally tutored in the intracacies of evolutionary theory by Bill "Patches" Dembski himself, yessir, I'm talkin about none other than Ann "The Man" Coulter.

The iron must have gotten a little too hot and a little too close to her head when she was straigtening her hair. Although the interview is mercifully short it is totally incoherent. She starts out by saying that Einstein would've been prevented from teaching 8th grade earth science because he was looking for God in the universe, that all great scientists were looking for God in the universe, calls Eugenie Scott a "hack" (which is like Hitler calling Mr.Rogers a murderer) and flinging her head around like the crank just kicked in, says, "keeping God out of the science classroom is":

Thuffering thuccotath, Annie, Grab a perm and a cheeseburger and shut the fuck up.

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