I tuned in to Moronic Joe this morning for my minimum required daily dose of stupidity as required by MSNBC. Gets me goin'. The stupid flows through my brain like shit through a goose and I got to get my stories in before the grand daughter gets up and changes the channel to Imagination Movers. I love those guys and their problem solvin'. And it's probably more of an educational experience than Morning Joe for both of us. So the big story was that Tiger Woods managed to get through all four rounds of the Masters without grabbing some visored belle from the gallery, tossing her in a bunker and tapping her ass. Joe (can I call him Joe?) tsk tsks his way through the segment, evidently displeased that Tiger didn't crawl the course on his hands and knees with his caddy flagellating (that's flagellating, people) him the entire way. Also displeased by the fact that Tiger conducted the post round interview without breaking down and crying, and, worst of all managed to finish tied for fourth after a five month layoff. To top it off, Woods was not sufficiently yes massa to what Scarborough calls the great folks at Augusta Plantation and Golf Club. Two great traditions at Augusta - no chicks and dressing the caddies like field hands. Then Scarborough polls his crew on their reaction to Tiger Woods, Mika looks disgusted, Mike Barnicle (in touch with the common man, if the common man was a drunk Irishman from 50 years ago) pulls his head out of his ass long enough to give a thumbs down, and Willie Geist, bless his heart, says "well, I like to watch him play golf". Well, Willie, I like to watch him play golf, too. You know why? Because he's the best fucking golfer to ever walk the planet, that's why. In fact, I like to root against him because he's so good it's hardly fair to the other guys. Joe ends the segment by mumbling something about mothers and kids and calling Woods a punk. No Joe, a punk is someone who uses his holier than thou platform to slam a golfer whose misdeeds affect only his family and his poor sponsors while being curiously forgiving of wide stancing, mistress payoffing, diaper wearing Family Values Republican lawmakers whose actions actually affect a wide range of people. Well, maybe Joe's more of a douchebag than a punk.
Cyborg Classics Call for Papers
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