Monday, August 30, 2010

Garden of Invasive Species

Apparently, I am very, very good at growing invasive species. Invasive Species gardening is easy - they practically grow themselves! So easy you can do it, too. But if the DCNR gets wind of what's infesting my quarter acre estate they will order a napalm strike on my back yard.  Here are some ecology destroying plants that I either inherited or planted myself because I'm not all that bright :

Tree of Heaven (Ailanthus altissima) - Jumped the railroad tracks about 30 years ago. Heaven must stink if it's full of these dirty, smelly useless punkwood bastards. Easy to uproot but they just keep coming back - prime candidate for chemical warfare.

Golden Bamboo (Phyllostachys aurea) - grabbed a couple of clumps as a screen for the railroad from an old homestead when I moved to town. It spread pretty well just north and south alone the high line bank although  over the last year or so a couple of shoots have escaped down into the yard. So what. What's it gonna do - disturb the dog shit? It would have to get by the chemical barrier my neighbor's massive English walnut puts up to escape west. There's a bridge north, the chemical wasteland of the double track east so all it can do is go  south. At the rate it's spreading it will be 50 years before it crosses the property line and I'll be dead or way beyond caring.  Besides it has to get by some other successful invaders to go any further. Stay tuned...

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