Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Preparing to Believe - The Beginning

" In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."

That seems reasonable. Maybe not necessary, but reasonable. I can get behind this.

"And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."

These have got to be the most hauntingly beautiful sentences in the English language. Gives me chills. I don't quite understand how you can have Earth without form and waters without an Earth but in deference to the poetically beautiful language I'll be moving on.

"And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day."

OK. That's handy. Then he separates the water from the water with a "firmament" which I guess is heaven and which also begs the question of where he was hanging out before he created heaven. Then he creates the dry land, oceans, grass (thank you, Jesus), herb (again, thank you), and fruit trees on the second and third days. Then we have this:
"And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day."

WTF? I thought he already did that on the second day. If I was of a skeptical bent and not willing to change my worldview I would call that some sort of contradiction. Maybe it was some sort of universal blanket of light and dark and he didn't ball the light up and create the sun until the fourth day. I can't seem to find the answer to this conundrum in AIG, my source for all things Genesis (Genesitial?). They seem to be a lot more worked up between some sort of apparent contradiction between Genesis 1 and 2 regarding man/plant or plant/man creation timing. At this rate, I"ll never get there. God, I'm so ignorant about this Bible stuff. Thanks a lot for bringing me up Catholic, Mom. Hell, I didn't even know there was a Bible until I left home. But I'm really trying. In the Catholic tradition of doing penance, I've got the Christian Rock station playing in my truck. Although they don't identify themselves as Christian Rock, I believe they
label themselves as Positive Rock. I don't know if these sappy soft rock love poems to Jesus are bringing me closer to God but they definitely got me to believing that there is a Devil . They also break away for Around the World with Ken Ham every hour or so. Today I learned that what scientists call "sea monsters" are actually dragons which are really dinosaurs and they lived until a few hundred years ago. Now, that's what I'm talking about. That gives me the warm fuzzies knowing that everything is already worked out.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Will the Real AntiChrist Please Stand Up?

The anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal.... the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything. Is it OBAMA??

Why wasn't I copied on this before? If I had known this earlier, I would have taken the sign out of my yard. I hate being out of the loop.

Is Obama the Antichrist? I have narrowed the list of likely candidates to the three pictured above. We can discount the one on the left. The Bible tells us the Antichrist will be a man and this creature is obviously something else. Loathesome and putridly bloated like a demon toad from hell, yes. But the Antichrist, no. Too repulsive. And, while the one on the right is perhaps some sort of male, the blond hair counts it out as being of Muslim descent. Perhaps a Beast from the Abyss, but not the Antichrist himself.

During my research I found this from Revelations:
13:1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

As you can see from the image above, that pretty much clinches it. Obama is the Antichrist. Now the question is whether to vote for him. Do we help the End Times along by electing him and trading a few years of tribulation for a thousand years of good times or what? Help me out and fill out the poll.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Bosses Say the Darndest Things

Actual quotes from the seventh circle of industrial hell:
Do you have a minute to come back here for a second?

That's why what didn't happen happened.

What it is, is..

The main thing is...don't get excited.

You're right, it's wrong.

If I told you that, I shouldn't have.

I hate redundancy and I don't like doing the same thing twice.

If they don't do that, tell me what they do do.

When I was hired 23 years ago:
You look kind of scrawny for this type of work but I guess we'll give you a try.

What I heard from the garage supervisor pretty much every week for about ten years:
How the fuck did you do that?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Preparing to Believe

On the cover of the Creation Museum pamplet that a friend mailed me is a big ole multi-pigmented dinosaur eye with the words CREATION MUSEUM -Prepare to believe. OK, I will, but this Preparing to Believe is going to take quite a bit of unlearning. For 30 years now I've been writing dozens of letters to newpapers, attending school board meetings and ICR dog and pony shows, as well as arguing endlessly on internet forums against the Creationist theory hypothesis model position. And for what? So that more people would believe in teaching Creationism than believed thirty years ago? What's the point? It's not working. I give up. It's time for a change.

First I suppose I will have to unread some of the books shown in the picture above. I can't quite read the titles but I'm pretty sure it includes On the Origin of Species. I'll have to get my hands on one of those God's Word scrolls. I wonder if there are still some original manuscripts floating around? (Note to self: check Ebay). I guess I'll have to learn Hebrew. Ancient Hebrew. Is there a difference? Which translation? I was raised a Catholic, is our Bible demon inspired? Better check with Ken. I'm confused. It would be a lot easier if God would just stuff his word in my head tonight while I'm sleeping. I will prepare myself.

I read the blogs of the Believers who have made the pilgrimage to northern Kentucky. They had a blast but they were pre-prepared. I am not, but it's time for a world view overhaul. I can't wait to wrap myself in the warm fuzzy logic of Young Earth Creationism. First stop - Genesis!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

My God - It's a Cookbook!

"I'm going to Washington to serve the people of this country."

Sarah Palin

With parsley potatoes and a nice white sauce. Mmmmm. Tastes a lot like moose.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Slaveboating Barack

Playing the race card by claiming your opponent is playing the race card. Preemptive I know you are but what am I? strike. I smell a Turdblossom blooming and I think we all know who's pudgy little fingers are tickling the prostate of the average white working Joe. You got to give it to the little fucker, he knows how to steal an election. On a more stupid note, self proclaimed everyman and regular guy Joe Scarborough (speaking for everymen everywhere; Joe, you complete us) parses Obama's character, encouraged by an occasion head nod from Pat Buchanan. God help me, I like Buchanan - I just know sometime he's going to start a segment with the words "Now listen, you fuckheads..." and every once in a while he looks like he's wondering how he landed in this talk show special olympics. Joe's take is that Obama "comes across" as arrogant, elitist, condescending, uppity - oops, speaks in complete sentences and eats some sort of foreign soundin' lettuce. Now, of course, Joe himself doesn't feel that way. He's just afraid a lot of regular Joes feel that way. That's some good slick cracker shit, Joe.

Let the fun begin: terrorist fist pumps, will tax your dog, Michele hates America, Obama hates America, Obama's kids hate America, Obama disses the troops, no flag on the plane, no flag on the suit, no flag on the boxers, educated in a madrassa, secret Muslim, uppity -oops, two white women for every brother and he's fathered not one, but two black children. You got to love the Republican spin machine - there is no end to their creativity. Corsi, author of Obama Nation (oh hell, I just got it. Abomination! Like the anti-Christ, that's some Biblical stuff there) doesn't fact check, taking the position that the rumours are worth reporting (you know the drill -"Some say...", "It is thought that...", "Is it possible that...", "Sources tell us...").

Then again, I suppose we all ought to be grateful for our toothless libel laws.