Not Even Close

Got a letter from my brother yesterday. Yes, a letter. Weird. He sends them to me when he has something to say. Which is not often. His missives are elegantly constructed and obviously from the heart. Unfortunately his handwriting renders them virtually illegible. My responses, on the other hand, are incomprehensible fragments of word salad rendered electronically. But you can read them. I'm mean you can't read them, they're private. But he can. I'm sure that when he gets more technologically comfortable he'll upgrade to a speedier mode. I expect this next year:

Greetings STOP Have a Merry Christmas STOP Happy New Year STOP Hope all is well STOP We are fine STOP

 Anyway, in this letter I mentioned he makes the absurd claim that the Great Garloo (pronounced Gay-loo) could take Robot Commando (pronounced awesome) in a full on family room death match  Silly, I know. I blame myself. Must been all the times I bounced a rock off his cranium or shot him in the face with an arrow. Normally I would let this pass, Robot Commando has nothing to prove to anyone. But this shall not stand. Contrast the two clips above and judge for yourself. To summarize:

Robot Commando - throws bombs with either hand - shoots missiles - has whirly eyes
Great Garloo - nothing under the kilt - claps his hands - plays with dolls

If I had a $1000 to spare I'd buy a couple and prove to the world what I already know. Robot Commando would whirl those arms so fast he'd bitch slap that stupid grin right off Garloo's face.  Good thing Garloo can bend over cause when RC is done with him that's the position he's gonna be in. Crying for his mommy.