What's In Your Wallet, You Poor Dumb Bastard?

Not a Capital One card. I got this notice today:

Due to extraordinary changes in the economic environment, we're reviewing our existing credit card accounts. Having considered these economic conditions, you account's current Purchase rate, and the length of time you've had this rate and account, we will be increasing your Purchase rate. We're also raising your Cash Advance and Default rates.

Allow me to translate:

Due to our retarded business decisions that have led to the current economic environment in which we are losing our ass, we are going to jack your rate 6%. Not only because we can but we also couldn't help but notice that you have paid your credit card bills on time for the past ten years and you have also paid off a substantial car and signature loan to our bank. So we know you're good for it and we're only asking you to pay a little extra to cover the shortfall when we felt it necessary to loan money to people who could never pay it back. After all, we're all in this together, right? You don't mind, do you?

Hell no. I don't mind. Thank you and fuck you very much, Capital One.