Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts

Monday, May 18, 2009

The World's Worst Catholic Explains Blood Sacrifice


If the above graphic totally creeps you out - you are an atheist, agnostic or possibly a Jew and you are headed for eternal damnation. If the above graphic moderately creeps you out and you view it as a symbolic representation of the sacrifice Christ made to save us all - you are some sort of Protestant and you also are going to take a nice long dip in the lake of fire. If the above graphic makes you wince a little and you feel that it is an accurate (but too graphic for the kiddies) representation of Christ's blood sacrifice - you are some sort of Cafeteria Catholic and you better take a doggie bag and book your room by the century at the Motel 6th Level in Purgatory because it's going to take a while to burn the heresy out of you. If the above graphic seems like some sort of cartoon fit for Nickelodeon and you are disappointed the image lacks accurate blood splatter patterns and photo-realistic depictions of crucifixion wounds - you are true OG RC so grab your best hair shirt and strap on your cilice and join me as Sister Mary Joseph breaks it down old school for the rest of these clowns:
During the mass the bread and wine are transformed into the body and blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Real blood and real flesh?
Yes.
It doesn't look any different.
It is.
It doesn't taste like blood.
It's a miracle. You have to have faith.
But...
Now, be quiet.
Yes, Sister.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

My BFF Jesus


I got a text from Jesus today. I knew it was from Jesus because he knew I didn't have the time to forward the message. That guy, I don't know how he does it. Anyway, I think he's lonely so give him a jingle. Here's the number: (717) 521-3191.

Here's the message:
"I bet you don't have time to do this; but jesus gave his life for you, send this to ten people and see what happens in five minutes"