He Promised He'd Never Hurt Me Again

Battered wife America has lifted the PFA against the Republican Party and agreed to a 2 year trial reconciliation. "He promised that he has changed" she said "And will never leave me broke and destitute and will never again touch the kids ( Defense, Social Security and Medicare), and never ever flirt  with that skank Discretionary Spending."

John Boehner, wearing an understated pale umber skin tone for the occasion, mentioned frequently that he has learned his lesson and will now work diligently to implement the Will of the American People. Not the american people of two or four years ago but the real American People. The half of the half of the people who agree with him, anyway. He outlined a specific plan for  revenue enhancements and spending cuts to control the burgeoning deficit. (Hah! Got ya! Just kidding)  After warning the President to play ball or he'll umm...uh... be sorry,  Boehner  choked up at the thought that a poor orange boy with plastic hair could rise from humble beginnings to become the Speaker of the house. Either that or he was stifling a chuckle at the fact that, in this economic climate, even a guy running on a family values platform who shows up wearing  a diaper and flanked by a hooker can get reelected as long as he has an R next to his name.