Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Assholier Than Thou

the archbishop explains why he's such a dick

The World's Worst Catholic ™ does not approve:
The archbishop of Denver on Tuesday defended a decision by a Catholic school not to allow two children to continue as students because their parents are a lesbian couple. Archbishop Charles J. Chaput said it was a "painful situation," but the decision by Sacred Heart of Jesus parish school in Boulder was in line with church teachings.
Almost as painful as a beating from a Christian Brother.

In his written statement Tuesday, Chaput said the parents of Catholic school students are expected to agree with church beliefs, including those forbidding sex between anyone other than married, heterosexual couples.
"The church cannot change these teachings because, in the faith of Catholics, they are the teachings of Jesus Christ," he said.
"After all", he went on, "If we let rug munchers become parents the whole system would collapse. They are just too 'in your face'. They don't even wear habits. What next? Gay Priests?"

 Ok, Now everybody just reach behind you...

Well, I guess we're fucked. We send our granddaughter to catholic school  and I can't think of any point of Catholic doctrine I agree with, let alone all of them. If they find us out, what are they going to do? Unbaptize her? Sins of the mothers, I guess.

Atheist Faithiest


Faithiest. Accommodationist. One har har perjorative and one mildly insulting. I guess put me squarely in the accommodationist camp. As if we unbelievers have a choice. I'm talking about the controversy raging  in the science blogs between those who consider religion the enemy of science and maintain that a person cannot justify holding religious and scientific methodologies in the same cranium ( the True Unbelievers) amd the Accommodationists (yay) who believe it is possible to be religious and a good scientist and, more importantly, that is necessary to reach out to people of faith and explain that it is possible to maintain their faith and accept the results of scientific inquiry, particularly regarding evolution. Of course, this ain't possible with a Young Earth Creationist. But they're setting up their own separate but unequal systems of "education" and "science". On the True Unbeliever side we have bloggers like Jerry Coyne, PZ Myers, Abbie Smith and Larry Moran on the Accommodationist side we have Josh Rosenau and John Wilkins. In the middle we have openly religious scientists like Ken Miller and Francis Collins, taking hostile fire from the Creationists and friendly fire from some of the science bloggers. Now Miller and Collins are big boys and I'm sure they were aware that they were going to take some shit for coming out with their weird fusion of science and religion. But that's their philosophy, not their science. As far as I can tell, no one in either camp has faulted them on their scientific work. I became aware of the controversy when ERV wrote a post slamming the appointment of Collins to head the NIH. The objections seem to stem from his professed evangelical faith and fear of what he might do rather than looking at what he has actually done. This smacks of ferreting out any sign of belief, even if it doesn't appear to influence the work. We have the spectacle of the True Unbelievers sniffing out any sign of belief, even in other unbelievers. Remind you of any other particular group? As Wilkins says (and, ahem, I have said) it is silly to argue whether a person can be religious and a scientist at the same time. We have thousands of examples that this can happen. The only points worth arguing are which questions can be tested and belong to science.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Freedumb

 
I think I see medicare in my future


Thank you so much for your support and for your love of our country. My book, Going Rogue, is dedicated to you - to Patriots - who fight for freedom!
Fight for what? What does freedom even mean? Freedom not to have a black president? Freedom to proselytize other peoples children? Freedom to go bankrupt because of medical bills? Freedom not to have to associate with people "not like us"? Freedom to be free of witchcraft? Freedom to rewrite history and ignore science. What exactly is she talking about and, more importantly, what freedoms have we lost under the Obama Administration? Patriots, my ass. More like the Know Nothing Party. Just what the country needs - more policies directed by pants wetting nativists. They learn their American history from TV westerns and their science from the Creation Museum. Trying to return to an America that never was.

Curiously absent from the Tea Party list of fears are the exact things that should make them afraid: The ability of the executive branch to declare anyone, citizen or not, an enemy combatant and hold them indefinitely without judicial review. All under the guise of wartime powers - the war, of course, undefined and lasting forever. No knock warrants, DUI roadblocks, random drug testing, pre trial seizing of assetts, eminent domain... How can people be so fearful of phantom assaults on their Constitutional rights that they ignore real assaults that are actually occurring? Don't tell me. I know. They're just fucking stupid.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ode to Grammy Jo


Mary Josephine Lutz - April 24,1939 to February 15, 2010

I was lucky enough to have two moms in my life - breathe easy, Mary Jo

On behalf of Bruce, Brenda, Brett, Brooke and their families we wish to than you for gather her to honor the life and memory of their beloved mother, Mary Jo Bowers.

Mary Jo was born May Josephine Lutz on April 24, 1939, the second  of eight childen to alcoholic parents. Because of their parents’ inability to properly care for them, Mary Jo and her siblings were sent to St. Anthony’s Orphanage in Toledo, Ohio. She always said that she was treated well, that her needs were taken care of and the staff and the charity of the townspeople saw that they got presents for Christmas. Of course, the basics were taken care of but not much else . When she would go to mass on Sundays, she would sit in the back of the church because she was ashamed of her appearance and felt unworthy to sit with the rest of the congregation. But she still went. And that tells you something about her strength of spirit. I don’t know if it was these early experiences or something in her nature, or a combination of both that molded  such a generous and loving soul but I know the rest of us were very lucky and maybe a little unworthy to have her in our lives.

Well, no child of Mary Jo’s was ever going to be embarrassed by their clothes, although sometimes this could have unintended consequences. Brenda tells about being sent off to school dressed to the nines in  matching sunsuits and panties from Tobey’s here in town.       which wasn’t quite the style for kindergarteners in Fort Loudon at that time. A lot of things with Mary Jo had unintended consequences. But that’s what made it fun or at least good for laugh after the fact.  It was a running joke between her and I about Bowers’ family vacations. I begged her not to include me in  any of them.  While I like to plan everything down to the last rest and gas stop, Brenda and Mary Jo would grab Brooke and the boys and hightail it off to the Jersey coast. Or what they thought was the Jersey coast. But it didn’t really matter because they would hadn’t arranged a place to stay, wherever it ended up being,  Getting lost was a given and breaking down all but a certainty.  And these were not the usual breakdowns, they had to be visually spectacular and catastrophic to the vehicle. Once they overheated and rolled to a stop beside a prison fence, during a prison break. Brenda called me late one night and told me she had a little trouble with Mom’s car. I hear Mary Jo giggling like a schoolgirl in the background.  Turns a “little trouble” included fleeing for their lives with a couple of bags of Wildwood souvenirs while the Estate Wagon burned to the ground.  The last trip I made with involved being chased by tornados across the Delmarva Peninsula.

Mary Jo lived in the Orphanage until she was fifteen, then moved to a foster home for a couple of years, until, at the age of 17 she moved to a trailer park with her brother and his wife. There was a handsome young man living a couple of trailers down, and liking what she saw, Mary Jo went over to borrow a cup of sugar. Two weeks later Mary Jo Lutz and Robert Bowers were married. So this woman, barely more than a girl really, bought herself a Betty Crocker cookbook, taught herself how to cook between having babies and keeping a household,  while moving all around the country where Bob’s work took him. Baking is not easy, baking well is even harder, but baking at the level of a Mary Jo Bowers is rare indeed. I’m sure most of you sitting out there have been the beneficiaries of her skills. And I’m pretty sure it’s not just Betty Crocker and a stove or we’d all be able to do it.

Mary Jo had an uncanny ability to connect to people and make friends. Before she got too sick to travel she would come down and spend a week at the shore with us. We would go to the same place every year and by the end of the week, not only would she know the names of everyone staying in the hotel, she would know their kid’s names, where they were from, what they did for a living, how they were feeling and probably what they had for breakfast. It’s been maybe a year or two since she’s made the trip but even now I have people I barely recognize coming up to me and asking about Mary Jo.

Now you can see that, given her early upbringing, family would become the most important thing in the world to Mary Jo. The difference between Mary Jo and most of us is family expanded enough to include everyone in the room. But Mary Jo was nobody’s fool. She was well aware of the weakness, selfishness and pettiness that we are all heir to. But she would look past those weaknesses and bring out the better nature in people. I know in some of my darkest times she was a source of hope and encouragement to me.

So, although our family has lost the person who has tied it all together for so many years, I like to believe that Grammy Jo has gone on ahead, and she’s breathing easy as she get things ready for when we come home.

Friday, February 12, 2010

He Tried to Warn Us

Eve wonders why Adam has nipples and bites the apple to find out
 
In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."
-Rick Santorum (R-yiff)

Ricky's right -  first Will and Grace , then an epidemic of inter-species sexuality sweeps the land. Even the Creation Museum, guardian of all that is right and Biblically proper, is not immune to this infestation:
 
 A penguin ,who missed the meatless garden memo, blows Adam while Adam tries to pursuade the lion to lay down with the lamb and engage in a little menagerie a trois. God, wondering what he hath wrought, creates Eve as a companion for Adam. Shortly thereafter Adam returns to the penguin and is tossed out of the Garden.  Eve tags along for child support and the penguin is banished to Antarctica.

(images, um, borrowed from Viceland)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sarah's Beautiful Movement


“I am a supporter of this movement. I believe in this movement,”
This is a big movement for her. No glass ceiling for this gal but maybe a glass table. Palin delivers a true Memphis Steamer to her surf and turf addled fans.  Long in the making, the Tea Party, a movement formed in the bowels of the American heartland, shaped by ordinary freedom loving Americans, the very fiber of our great nation, is ready to be loosed on the body politic. No longer bound by rationality or the Constitution, Tea Partiers - we salute you! Now bend over, America. It's time for your enema.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Errata

I was going to use Erratum but I figured that by the time I was done with this post I would find more errors regarding my previous Wyatt Earp post which, surprisingly enough, has not attracted any notice in the historical community. But potential historical inaccuracies aside, it is my writing that I am most concerned about. You would think that the son of an English teacher and father of a soon to be Literature professor would be able to construct sentences that bordered on the comprehensible but, it is not so nor likely is it to be. I started my Earp post with "And not a guy you would want to mess with." My first inclination was, of course, "not a guy you would want to fuck with".  But a blog that links to me, Savannah Red, tends to the conservative side (well, more than tends), and, as the link prints out the first couple of phrases of my current post, I don't want to piss him off and lose a potential source of advertising. Either with fuck or mess the sentence ends up a fucking mess. Mom told me never to end a sentence with a proposition. What am I supposed to say - He is not a guy with whom you would want to fuck or Fucking with this guy is not something you would want to do? Sorry, but I don't see any way out of this. Ending with a prepostion? Sometimes I just have to.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Brave, Courageous and Bold

And not a guy you would want to mess with. I'm speaking of Wyatt Earp, of course. Pimp, gambler, killer, and all around iconic American hero. I'm kind of an expert on Earp, having read one book (Sacrificed Sheriff) and a Wikipedia article and so I was bitterly disappointed with American Experience: Wyatt Earp. You would have thought that between picking out cowboy hats and growing those Yosemite Sam mustaches, the talking head Western historians would have giddyupped down to the liberry and checked out some primary sources. Graphic descriptions (substantiated only by Earp himself) of how Earp gut shot some ne'er do well who may or may not have killed  his brother is all well and good but, sweet jesus, you got a whole hour, put things in context. What about the power struggles between the Republican and Democratic political factions that increased tensions to the point of violence? How did Earp make his money? What about Holiday implicated in a stage coach robbery? Why totally ignore the fact that Holiday and Earp were arrested and deposed after the gun fight at the OK corrall? Do you think that might have some bearing on the story? That the town unilaterally supported the Earp actions is flat out wrong and there are easily researched newspapers to prove it. Josephine Marcus is identified as  poor, slandered Johnny Behan's wife, which probably wasn't the case and hooks up with Earp later. This is juicy, could it have some bearing on Earp dissing Behan in his memoir? Earp lives in a whorehouse early on and is characterized as hired muscle instead of, oh my heavens, a pimp. Right. Like there's a difference. Earp had a falling out with Holliday and his brother Virgil. Why? That dynamic might actually be interesting. Instead we get an unexamined rehash of the Earp and Josephine story as told by Wyatt and Josephine. Now, I know the last one standing gets to tell the story but it's not like there is no other information out there. All in all, a second rate effort and typical of TV history. Pretend to be in-depth by showing a couple of warts on the hero while maintaining the made-up hagiography and leaving the basic cartoon narrative intact. Lamer than lame. This is why I like books.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Thursday, January 14, 2010

How About a Sponge Bath?



Welcome to O'Reilly's wet dream. Two days on the job as a political pundit and already she's made up a new word - "uncomfortableness". Which is kind of how I feel when I think about her being a heartbeat away from the Presidency.  Next week Fox unveils their new science correspondent - Ken Ham.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

DeMint - "Unions More Dangerous than Al Qaeda"


OK, who ordered the Semtex Happy Meal?

Way to go, Senator DeMint. Obstruction for obstruction's sake. Much better to have highly motivated minimum wage workers screening airline passengers. Ya want fries with your underwear bomb, Senator?

(special shout out to Sen. Tom Coburn -(R-Douchebag) who suddenly found his fiscal responsibility principles in an old pair of pants he last wore to the Iraqi Blue Thumb Election Celebration and singlehandedly made it more difficult for families to care for severely wounded veterans)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry F#%king Christmas - The Tradition Continues


Well, if it's inevitable, you might as well relax and enjoy it. Regular reader(s) of this blog realize I am talking about the tradition where I bug out early from the Christmas Queen Mother's Festival of Family, go home to watch a movie by myself (last year it was Death Race 2000), listen to the Christmas Queen herself while she tells me all about the party I just left, find my attention wandering back to the movie which pisses the Queen off enough that she wishes me a "Merry Fucking Christmas" and stomps off. Then the boy laughs.

Now there are two ways I can go. I can be a loving and sensitive husband, attentive to my wife's needs, and help her to make this Christmas a warm and comforting expression of family love and togetherness. Or I could watch a movie. My question to you, dear reader(s), is which movie?* Please take the time to help me make my choice by filling out the poll in the sidebar.

*(Now, before you pass judgement on me as a complete asshole, realize that the Christmas Queen already has laser beams for eyes and is quivering in anticipation like a coonhound before the hunt, and that, whatever I do and however I do it, chances are about 90/10 that it will be wrong. I might as well grow a pair and take my medicine like a man.)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Harry Potter and the Half Seen Movie



Or maybe Harry Potter and the Half Assed Movie. Filmed in a tone so dark, with a plot so muddled, that in half the movie you can't tell what's going on and in the other half you just don't care. I guess that's to set the tone for Dumbledore getting killed. Tragic, although by that time you're just glad something happened. And a love story - or a couple of them. Kind of - they also go nowhere. We get to meet the Dark Lord as a young man. He's the creepy Damien kid bussed in from the set of Omen III. And Helena Bonham Carter is great as a slutty Helena Bonham Carter witch. Lots of standing around. No good monsters. Two thumbs down.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Eulogy for Dad


 On behalf of my brother and myself and our families I wish to thank you for coming here to honor our father, Vito Scriptunas. I also wish to thank everyone in the community who helped my dad during his final days.- the neighbors in the Twin Lakes area who kept an eye on him, the EMT’s who took him to the hospital, the nurses who gave him wonderful care in his last hours, Dr. Jones who gave my father the tools to live out his final year independently and especially Dr. Chris Wetzel, who’s kindness and compassion helped us through a difficult time.
          Many of you know my father as that affable old gardener on Lakeview or that faithful church goer but he lived a long and full life and was a more complex and interesting man than many of you may realize. As one of three sons of a coal miner’s widow, with  the family scraping by on a meager miner’s death benefit during the depression, the prospects for anything but a difficult life in the mines were all but certain. My father’s own father died of black lung when he was 16. Often, when he would talk about his boyhood and his father, he would break down and cry. At the time I couldn’t understand this emotion over a man I never knew, about a death that had happened so long ago. Well, I know now, a father can’t be replaced.
    My father was a combat veteran of the Eighth Air Force, the 379th heavy bomb group. He received the European African Mediterranean China Medal with 3 bronze stars and the Air Medal with Four bronze stars. He flew 33  missions over Europe as a ball turret gunner. He was a war hero. Now my father would laugh if he heard me say that. According to my father  his entire military career was some sort of  big misunderstanding. To hear him tell it he was carried along through the war by forces neither rational nor intelligible. The only reason he joined up was because he was going to be drafted  anyway  and he wanted to try to get in the Navy. But the guy just  in front of him in line was the last one they took for the navy so he ended up in an artillery unit and one day they yanked him out of line because he was small enough to fit in a ball turret and they needed gunners so they  stuck him in a B-17 and sent him to Europe. But it didn’t really matter because by that stage of the war the Germans had jet fighters and they were too fast for his guns to track so he was pretty much just riding along looking at the pretty clouds.
    My father had an artistic side – his handwriting was beautiful and his lettering skills were superb. The colonel in charge of the base in Arizona discover this and offered him a stateside job lettering planes for the duration of the war. He turned it down, which irritated the colonel so much that, by the next week, he was assigned to an air crew and on his way to Europe. This kind of puzzled me so I asked him, “You mean you had chance to stay stateside for the rest of the war and you turned it down? Why would you do that?”
    He looked at me and said “Have you ever been to Kingman, Arizona?”
    I’m not sure what the term is for an exaggeration in the other direction but I found out later that he left out a few important details. I was fortunate to attend a couple of air crew reunions with him.  The waist gunner, Ned Rooks, set me straight about some parts of the story that my father had left out.  He told me that rather than being randomly plucked out of the regular army all these guys were volunteers. They signed up to be on a flight crew,  and that, at any time, they could go the flight surgeon and be assigned back to the regular army if they couldn’t handle it anymore. He talked about having to crawl down to the ball turret with a portable oxygen bottle to revive my dad because his oxygen line has frozen up in the minus 40 degree temperature, or how he and my father had to climb into the bomb bay and kick the remaining bombs out of the crippled aircraft so that they could land,  or how my dad would touch off his guns at approaching fighters even though he was soaked through with aviation fuel from a ruptured wing tank – or how my dad patched up a badly wounded radio operator and the crew decided to land the shot up aircraft instead of bailing out over the field because they didn’t think the radio operator could survive the jump. He was barely more than a boy, but that’s the kind of man my dad was. Ned’s wife, who was married during the war took me aside aside and told me that my father was the cockiest and most confident man she had ever met.
    This confidence stood him in good stead after the war. Dad thought seriously about Seminary after the war. My brother and I are grateful that he pursued a different path. So this kid with a general education degree from Scranton High manages to talk his way into Lehigh and come out with a degree in industrial engineering. He pursues and weds my mother,  who was from the same town but a different economic background and this at a time when a Lithuanian Irish match could still raise a few eyebrows. His combat training no doubt helped him in his marriage to my mother, who could be every bit as confident and hard headed as he was. But they ultimately had more than 40 years of a committed and loving marriage, and when my mother came down with Rheumatoid arthritis, nearly crippled and in constant pain, it was my father who stood by her, took her to countless doctor’s appointments and cared  for her until her death.
    So my father could do what needed to be done. He could wallpaper, tile a bathroom, sweat a pipe or build a stone wall.  He even designed a building that is still standing. This, after trying to explain to his boss that he was an industrial engineer, not a civil or professional engineer. His boss told him that an engineer is an engineer – do it. So he did it.
    We would spend some summers in Ocean City, NJ. One year my parents rented a surf board for my brother and me, a monster 7seven foot long board that took both of us to carry to the water. Unfortunately the very next day I broke my toe in the sand playing football with my father and I didn’t get a chance to ride it.  A sand  bar had developed  about a hundred yards offshore and beyond it were breaking some nice seven to ten foot waves. So I sat on the beach , feeling sorry for myself, as my brother, a little guy on a big board, struggled for half an hour to paddle out beyond the sand bar to where the waves were breaking. He finally got to where he wanted to be and was sitting on the board, waiting for a wave when my father walked over to me and asks “Where’s Neil?”.  I pointed  to a spot far offshore and said  “He’s out there and wow, look at that, he caught a wave, look at him go!”  My brother took off on the ride of his life, standing on the board and heading towards Cape May at an amazing speed. Two memories come back. One is my brother’s ride, which to this day, remains the single most impressive thing I have ever seen him do. My father thought otherwise, probably because my brother couldn’t  swim.  The second memory is my father running down the beach yelling, complete with sandals, socks, hat, watch and glasses and diving in the water to swim out and rescue my brother. I’m not sure what happened after that although I’m pretty sure my brother can fill you in.  
    I broke my arm badly falling out of a tree when we were visiting my cousins in New Jersey. Broke it so badly that the local hospital told my dad theat they couldn’t set it and that he would have to get me to a  specialist in Philadelphia. And not only that, that he would have to get me there  within an hour or permanent damage would probably occur. So the local doctors splinted my arm and shot me up with morphine and dad bundled me in the back seat and off we went.  The morphine took away the pain but my father took away the fear and I felt like things were going to be all right. And they were. Because my dad took care of it. He got me there in time and I can use this arm. Thanks, Dad.
    But my father would  also take care of situations that weren’t necessarily his responsibility. I have an early memory, probably one of my earliest,  of standing on the seat of the car, looking out the window, as my father, illuminated in the headlights, changes a tire to rescue a couple of stranded teenagers. That’s the man most of you knew. If you needed help you could count on him.
    As I got older (and smarter), I came to rely more and more on my father for advice. Sometimes I would even follow it. When I would be offered a chance to take a new position, maybe something that was more of a challenge and would take me out of my comfort zone, he would always urge me to try new things., telling me that I would have far more regrets not knowing whether I could do the job than trying and failing.
    He once gave me a training manual he had written for new managers in his company. In it he wrote that every employee has value and more importantly, every  employee needs to feel as though they are important.  And that’s how my Dad lived his life. When my father talked to you, no matter who you were or what you were doing, whether you were cutting his hair, or filling his teeth or bagging groceries or just walking by, he was not just exchanging pleasantries, he was talking to you. He was interested in you and what you had to say. Vito Scriptunas loved people. And people loved him back.
    So I would think that my father would want this for a legacy- that when we think of him we remember  that we are all important, that we all have worth, that we all have something to offer and that we should treat everyone we meet in our daily lives with compassion and respect.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Mr. Potatohead Asks the Wrong Question



Who cares? We all know the answer to that question. Later in the interview Barbour claims that the states are best able to deal with health care insurance and that the federal bill is useless because it has no provisions to deal with tort reform. He goes on to claim that Mississippi has slashed health care premiums by up to 60% because of the tort reforms his administration adopted. Mathews, still preening over his Palin gotcha moment, neglects to do his homework and ask two obvious questions:
  1. If it should be up to the states to manage health care matters why federalize tort reform?
  2. Why does a state like Mississippi have almost twice as many uninsured citizens as Pennsylvania, with its onerous malpractice judgments?
Mathews goes on to congratulate Barbour for sticking it to the Democrats. Yeah, we'd all like some of that sweet Mississippi health care.

Hey Sarah!


Make it out to Phil McCrackin


Will you sign my dead baby?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Must Be Lack of Vitamin P



What do Timothy McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, George Sodini, Nidal Hasan and Mohamed Atta have in common? It's not politics or religion. Those are bullshit arguments that these guys and their media facilitators use to put window dressing on what is obviously a deep seated psychosis. The answer of course, is that none of these guys could get laid. Not even if they had $5,000 pocket money and a bottle of roofies. There may well be something broken in men like this, but I'll wager that it takes a perfect storm of isolation and alienated frustration to set off these murderous rampages and if, at any time in the process, any of these losers had gotten a little snatch therapy, the cycle would have been broken.

So here's the plan:

  • In the USA not much can be done, what with that pesky 2nd Ammendment and that whole innocent till proven guilty thing. In a culture as with as many overt and covert sexual images selling everything from Jesus to jeans, avoidance of sex takes a level of self loathing that is difficult to achieve. It shouldn't be too difficult to infiltrate and monitor the membership of white power, radical anti-abortion and muslim extremist groups. If any of these individuals take a sudden interest in assault weapons or corporate farming it would be time to introduce them to a cadre of highly trained massage professionals.
  • Peace in the Middle East? Possible with the judicious use of American culture to lubricate the peace process. Baywatch, the first shot in the New Crusade has softened them up. The most popular show on the planet has enticed Arab youth to jack off to Pamela Anderson for the last 20 years. It's time to take it to the next level - forget cluster bombs and secret prisons - we need to drop tens of millions of iphones and blanket the entire middle east with free WiFi. They'll be no keeping them on the madrass when they have access to Arabian Nights   and Grand Theft Auto - Vice City.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veteran's Day, Dad - Connie's Last Flight


Dad in the ball turret on the way to Dresden



From the inside - Connie sustains major structural damage from flak

 

Shell went through the plane and exploded above. The crew donned their chutes and prepared to bail. The pilot, Walt Shultz, regained control, fell out of formation and limped back to Kimbolton Air Base at low altitude..




Connie, her spine broken, settled to the ground overnight and was towed to a nearby field for fire suppression practice.


Connie's crew with a new plane - all gone now except for my dad

Monday, November 09, 2009

The Rat Ladies of Pacific Palisades



“I’ve lived with rats since 1958, honey.... When I got the house in [1958], that’s the day I started feeding all the animals. And I fed them as long as I lived there.”
Funny about the interwebs, you can be minding your own business, wandering through the comments on a coyote hunting forum and end up finding a weird story about spintster twin sisters and their thousands of four legged companions. Apparently the only sightings of these two were their weekly forays to the store to haul bags of dog food home in a shopping cart to feed their rats or as PETA calls them, sewer kittens.. Also, apparently, the neighbors who moved in next door objected and sued the realtor and previous owner for failing to disclose a little thing like a colony of 10,000 rats living next door. Follow the above link for an unbelievable story of mental illness and governmental malfeasance. One of the twins uses Revelation to explain her behavior. Maybe she means this:
When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" I looked and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.— Revelation 6:7-8 NIV
Now I'm all for live and let live but I have to say that I'm against trying to hasten the End Times plague by feeding and sheltering thousands of rats. Particularly in a nice neighbor hood like Pacific Palisades.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Tom Tancredo - American Hero



Memo to Republicans: If you are a chickenhawk talking to some guy about what veterans want - make sure that other guy is not an actual veteran .

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Coyote Attack



Strange story. Pretty unusual for a coyote or even a pack of them to attack an adult. Most of the attacks on humans involve children or adults trying to rescue  a child or a pet. It hard for me to imagine that a coyote or even two would attempt to take down an adult. When I lived outside Seattle I'd hear them far more often than I'd see them. They kept to the woods line at the edge of the field and were extremely skittish and the ones I did see couldn't have been more than 30 or 40 pounds. We heard stories that they would lure a dog into the woods and gang up on it and kill  it but that never happened to ours. Of course they were pretty big dogs, a pointer/dalmation, a big lab, a great dane, and a shepherd cross and they'd run together a lot. Tough as coyotes are, I imagine they would have trouble with that particular pack  but as far as I know they never got one. I ran the pointer (good old Fred) behind the car once  and clocked him at about 30 so he could move pretty good. He took off after a coyote once and it left him like he was standing still. So that's my limited experience with them.  I never even got a shot off at one.
The NE coyotes are bigger, possibly crossed with wolves and weighing up to 70 lbs which is a whole other scenario. I imagine even a large man may have a problem dealing with two animals that size. So far the information is sketchy. The size of the coyotes, the nature of the attack and the exact cause of death seem to be either unknown or not made public. Maybe it's just morbid curiosity but it seems like information like that may be of some use. If I see one in front of me, I'd kind of like to know whether I ought to be looking out behind me, too.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Governor Gets Rand-y



I'm glad he does because I sure don't. I read one of them, either The Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. That was enough. Stilted prose and a philosophy totally ignorant of the human condition is a bad combination. At least I don't find it appealing. Governor Sanford appears to be a fan and wrote her a little love letter that Newsweek, for some reason, decided to publish. Now I'm not going to run down the Governor for his transcontinental booty call. In fact, I think he's a true lover boy. A powerful, successful man with the emotional development of a smitten 13 year old. It was an epic fail, flaming out for all the world to see. Much better than the tawdry mud wrestling adventure of that Ensign guy, what with the best friend's wife and the payoff and all. Like the difference between jumping off the Empire State Building holding two lit road flares and choking to death in a pool of your own vomit.
The Governor must have had some time to hone his political philosophy during those long, lonely nights in the doghouse. He quotes from  The Fountainhead:
Representing himself, Roark pleads, in characteristically Randian terms: "I do not recognize anyone's right to one minute of my life. Nor to any part of my energy. Nor to any achievement of mine. No matter who makes the claim, how large their number or how great their need … I recognize no obligations toward men except one: to respect their freedom and to take no part in a slave society."
Right on. Spoken like a man who can fill his own teeth, change his own tires, and give himself a colonoscopy while cooking a bitching quail egg omelet on his custom made solar stove. C'mon, I know this gives all those Libertarians living in Mom and Dad's basement a little chub, but if  you're going to blow up your own shed because your wife hung the wrong color curtains in it, they're going to take you away. And well they should.

The Governor goes on:

Cold though they sound, these words contain two basic truths. First, an individual can achieve great things without governmental benevolence, and second, one man has no right to another's achievement. These are lessons we should all remember today, when each week is seemingly marked by another government program designed to fix society.

The Governor is full of shit. More conservative fever dreams of an America that never was. What? No taxes? No collective societal efforts to build roads, provide water, or drain away the shit? Our hardy pioneer forefathers were always screaming for the government to bail them out of some jam or another - fight the Indians - build a railroad - the roads are too muddy - my kids are dying of Cholera. Whiners. It's only government benevolence when someone else is receiving it and if one man's "achievement" is based on child labor in a sweatshop or slave labor, well I guess that's just too bad. Sometimes society needs fixing

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Still Here?


Me too. Another Rapture has come and gone and not only are we not perfect, we're not even forgiven. The Lord's Universal Spam Filter has kicked us out once again. Me, I'm gonna amp up my sinning, at least for the winter months. I don't want to accidentally fall into a state of grace and get Raptured up into that cold January air, leaving my clothes and fillings behind. I can just hear those Left Behind losers laughing as me and my shrunken willy are wafted into the stratosphere. It wouldn't be worth it.

Monday, October 19, 2009

What If They Gave A Rapture And Nobody Came?



So you missed it.  Or maybe not. The godless may scoff and point to another failure of Biblical prophesy. I know better. Not only did the Rapture happen on September 23, it's going to happen again on October 20. It is a matter of Biblical history that the Rapture has occurred every month since 33 AD. Kind of God's monthlies. You don't see people ascending to heaven, leaving their clothes behind on a monthly basis for one simple reason. No one is worthy and no one is saved. Not the Catholics or the Jews or the Mormons or the Lutherans or the Pentacostals or the Hindus or the Atheists. Not nobody. You're all a bunch of sinners and none of you can get it right. So the Lord is going to keep Rapturing till you figure it all out. As for the Tribulation? C'mon, take a look around you.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The World's Worst Catholic™ Explains the Church's Position

                         It's missionary. And don't enjoy it. And whatever you do, don't wear a raincoat.


                Although I may not really be the World's Worst Catholic™, (I sure there are a few priests who out-worst me), it's my trademark and I'm sticking to it. It doesn't help that the Church's position on birth control, abortion, captital punishment, embryonic stem cell research and war is so convoluted as to give even Jesuit apologists a headache, I'll take a stab at hashing it out. This latest survey from Guttmacher Institute further muddies the waters. According to this study the legality of abortion has little to do with whether women seek out abortions. It has a lot to do with how many die from botched abortions, approximately 70,000 per year. Worldwide the number of abortions have fallen from 45.5 million in 1995 to 41.4 million in 2003. It is doubtful that this is due to countries passing more restrictive abortion laws, only three have done so, but it may well be correlated to increased use of birth control, especially in areas such as sub-Saharan Africa and Latin America where abortion is highly restricted. Now the Church, having lurched far to the right, has been careful to differentiate innocent life, which includes the unborn and terminally unconcious, from the rest of us. While Catholic politicians (and voters) have communion withheld and are threatened with excommunication for supporting abortion rights it appears to be a lesser sin to pull the plug on a condemned criminal and no sin at all to rain death on civilians from the skies during wartime, whatever side you happen to be on. My dad talks about mass dispensations before particularly nasty raids over Europe during the war. You were covered for what you did and what you were about to do. But that's always been a tricky moral dilemna, solved only by the Mennonites and Quakers. Nobody has ever accused the Catholic church of evidence based anything but the continued fight against contraception is particularly troubling. And contradictory. Of course, as Scranton's Bishop Martino found, American Catholics are going to do what they're going to do anyway. Particularly regarding birth control.  Now I perfectly understand how abortion can be seen to be tragic, maybe even murder, but I also believe that until the fetus is viable, it more a part of the woman's body then an independent human and it is her choice whether to carry the pregnancy to term. And under no circumstances should a women be forced to bear a child having severe birth defects or conceived as a result of rape or incest. The tragic part is that most abortion is unnecessary and the Catholic Church plays a large part in the fact that, per capita, catholic women are more likely to get an abortion than protestant women. Probably because of its Medieval stand on birth control. You think the Church could take a hint. For once.

Friday, October 02, 2009

You Would


Admit it. A little blush, a lot of Nair, a push up bra and a bikini wax or two. C'mon, you know you would. I'm not the only one.

4.4 million year old Ardi or Ardipithicus ramidus drives another nail in the coffin of Intelligent Design creationism. The Ark is getting pretty crowded. What is interesting to me is that some of the chimp like characteristics that we have always assumed belonged to the common ancestor may have evolved in chimps after the split. If that translates to behavior we may be less ape like than is generally believed. You can get the real skinny at John Hawks Weblog and Laelaps. If you prefer your science faux with a dash of stupidity here's Casey Luskin's take on the whole thing. The release of this information was 15 years in the making. About the same amount of time the Discovery Institute has been in existence. Hmmm. Fifteen years, multiple papers from one team of scientists for just one fossil on the one hand and absolutely nothing worthwhile out of the echo chamber that is the Discovery Institute on the other.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Ghost Adventures Part One


           My grandson roped me into watching Ghost Adventures which is kind of a low budget, semi-retarded Ghosthunters with a dash of roid rage. Now you may think that television could not get any more moronic than Ghosthunter. But you would be wrong.  My impression is that the lead paranormal investigator Zak needs to spend a little more time in the library and a little less in the gym. A couple of acting classes wouldn't hurt either. Maybe it's some kind of joke. It is just that lame.
          Normally, I don't find this kind of stuff too interesting  unless it's local but my grandson was so excited he insisted we watch it. Now, I don't believe in ghosts and he knows it. Maybe he was anxious to have Zak and his buddies prove me wrong or, more likely, my grandson and his friends were excited about an episode dealing with mass slaughter and a haunted fort. He was so excited he was practically shaking. It would be kind of neat to feel like that again. My little brother and I shared a room and we'd get all worked up hearing strange noises coming from the basement, particularly after watching something like The Curse of Frankenstein. We'd get so scared we felt duty bound to do our own paranormal investigating. So we'd sneak downstairs until we got to the landing above the rec room, my brothe would flickon the light and at the same time I'd leap down the stairs yelling "hi yaah!" and waving my scout knife. Good thing Dad wasn't coming through the garage door. He would have lost a nut. We weren't fucking around.
          What's the harm in sharing a little critical thinking with the lad? Eight isn't too young to develop a little skepticism. Besides, he values my opinion. He's about the only one. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life chasing things that don't exist. Like Zak.
        Part two later.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's a White Thing



You wouldn't understand. Wrong camera angle for a frog snuff film. Ha! Ha! mainstream media. Fakeout. The lesson is that you can't believe anything Glenn Beck shows or tells you. But I knew that.

Coming up: Glenn uses a real baby and scalding hot bathwater to explain bank bailouts.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Everybody Needs a Cause



I got mine. Bumper stickers and a tee shirt, too. Wonder why my party of stupidheads didn't frame the argument this way from the start. Everyone knows what it is, how it works and by gosh, it's pretty popular. Why get the health insurers involved at all? We could always negotiate down. I learned that in labor negotiations. A golden opportunity missed. So I've tried to get this letter published twice now and sadly, I'm reduced to running it here. The Man is keeping me down (or ignoring me). Here it is:
Medicare needs to be part of the health care reform debate. As it stands now, the government is responsible for insuring the health of the elderly and disabled, those who are most likely to need long term extensive care, and private insurers get everybody else, the young and healthy where a profit can be made. This is unsustainable in the long run. It is unfair to the working taxpayer and employers who are on the hook for increasing premiums to fund privately insured health care and increasing taxes to fund Medicare. It is unfair to our seniors who are facing reduced Medicare coverage because the program is running out of money. As a society, we have made a commitment to our senior and disabled citizens to provide them with affordable health care. One way to save this program and provide the best care for the most people is to open up Medicare so that all American citizens are eligible to participate. Opening up the risk pool to include the young and working taxpayers would go far to stabilize Medicare's long term prospects.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Was God Ever a Real Person?


That came out of the blue and stopped me in my tracks, danger signs flashing in front of my eyes. This was asked by my grandson as he and I were walking up the beach. He's a bright, inquisitive, sensitive boy with a big heart. But he keeps asking me shit that I can't answer. I don't know how I became the go-to guy for matters supernatural and theological. I suppose it's because I temporarily fixed his Nintendo DS. I know in the world of avuncular grandfathering, I'm supposed to have this all figured out and, with a chuckle and a twinkle in my eye, tell him exactly how it is. Put his mind at ease so that he knows there is some sense in the universe and everything is as it should be. I don't have the heart to tell him that the older I get, the more confused I am and less and less of it makes any sense. Add that to the fact that I have no idea what sort of religious training, if any, his parents have given him and I found myself in quite a pickle. So I did the only thing I could think of - I channeled Sister Mary Joseph and what I could remember of the Baltimore cathechism.
"Well, in the Catholic tradition, Jesus, as one of the three parts of one god (look, I didn't think this stuff up by myself), was born a man so I suppose you could say that God was a person, at one time."
He looks up at me exasperated: "No, Jesus was the son of God."
"Well, yeah, but..." and at that point the spirit of Sister Mary Joseph left me, metaphysically rulerless and unable to drive my point home."

So we walk along a bit in blessed silence and he comes up with this:
"You know, the Bible is always right"
This sets me off. No grandson of mine is going to be a creationist, even if I have to kidnap him and send him to Camp Quest.
"No, it isn't. Lots of stuff is wrong. Nobody got swallowed by a whale, there was no worldwide flood and the earth wasn't created in six days."
That does not convince him. This does: "And you don't find dinosaurs buried with people so they couldn't have lived at the same time."

So Ken Ham is right about one thing. If you lose them at Genesis, you might as well kiss that whole Bible as history thing goodbye. Goodbye, literal interpretation of the Scriptures. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Morning Joe Rubs Weiner the Wrong Way


So I had (well, I accidently chose) to sit through another round of the dial-up intellects on Morning Joe giving their take on epidemiology. A typical monkey/football scenario. C'mon, people, it's a broadband world. Don't you have some staffer with a laptop that can Google the government's response to the H1N1 epidemic? Could you at least try to be moderately informed on a topic before you open your yaps and could you please, on issues of public health, make an attempt to get the facts straight? Take this reaction (please) after a relatively dry, fact based report on the status of the vaccine (government has ordered 150 million doses, vaccine will be ready in late October). The reporter looked a little stunned as some former Bush security advisor, who still resides in Stupid City, asked this perceptive and hard hitting question: "I heard there is some problem with mercury in the vaccines." Heard from who, dipshit? Your wife who heard it from Oprah who heard it from Jennie McCarthy? And Mike Barnicle, master of the anecdotal non-sequitur, chimes in with: "And how will this affect the public option?" Right, Mike. And why do tangerines smell so darn good? Mika, perpetually confused, looks confused. Willie Geist, who I believe actually has a brain but is careful to conceal it so's not to appear uppity, says nothing. Joe Scarborough takes the ball and heads straight towards Crazyland, mumbling something about "So much for government efficiency" and do you want these people running your health care?. Well, Joe, yes...Yes I do. Who else has the resources to do the research to isolate the virus, develop a series of vaccines, test those vaccines on a massive scale to insure safety and efficacy, and stockpile and distribute them to the population? Here's a hint. It ain't Aetna or Blue Cross. Typical conservative fever dreams: The government is too busy trying to figure out how to sneak Belladonna to grandma in her Glycolax to gear up their secret vaccine factories buried under the FEMA concentration camps just next to the black helicopter landing sites and save America from H1N1. The government is too inefficient to run a single payer health care system but they're efficient enough to watch your every move and take away your guns. By the way, a brown guy is president. Stock up on Depends.

Posted above for your amusement and edification is my new favorite congressman, Rep. Anthony Weiner D-NY, handing Joe his ass on the topic of single payer health care.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Thinking of Ending It All



Wonder if I can swim to Ireland and freedom before the jellyfish sting me to death?

Friday, August 14, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Next Year I'm Bringing Two Beach Towels


Twenty by eight feet, one bathroom, ten people - you do the math.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Town Hall Beatdown


The conservative blogosphere are wetting their panties about jackbooted union thugs tossing a bunch of teabaggers out of a townhall meeting in Tampa. The beatee, one Mr. Arthur, is interviewed looking rather perplexed that that he tried to push his way into a meeting and got pushed back. Now I don't want to belittle the trauma that poor Mr. Arthur, who's only crime was to try to enter a public meeting and shout inanities in an effort to destroy any semblance of reasoned discourse, suffered during this horendous takedown. And I sure none of this was covered in Rush's playbook. You surely don't expect to be bullied when you're intent on bullying someone else. During the fracas Mr. Arthur lost almost all the buttons on his shirt, giving him more of a South Beach than Panhandle look, and suffered a moderate to severe Indian burn (which really stings) on his arm. I'm sorry, but this doesn't even qualify as a beatdown in Chevy Chase, let alone Tampa. The UMW organizers of my Grandaddy's day are looking down from that Tavern in the Sky and rolling their eyes at what they're calling a beating these days. They gave out way worse at their own meetings, to their own members.

So I'm urging everyone to calm down and take a step back. We're all Americans here, even the stupid ones. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Grandpa, waving your Medicare supplied cane and screaming about socialized medicine. Chill out. Cooler heads need to prevail before something far worse happens and someone ends up with a Texas Wedgie or a Purple Nurple.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Ch-ch-ch Changes


The American Psychological Association has determined that programs designed to ungay gays do not work and do not change the sexual orientation of gay men. Gayness is incurable. So is blond hair, blue eyes and strawberry allergies. It may be hard to exactly pinpoint what constitutes being gay. It seems to be a sliding scale ranging from drag queens to art handlers to megachurch pastors to orthopedic surgeons to Republican senators to the guys back in D&E to married with children to polygamists to Double Y's. Maybe the scale isn't linear but curves back on itself, kind of like, um, a circle. But I don't want to think about that.

Reaction from recently outed public figures has been swift:

"I'm so furious I could slap somebody. I took the cure and I'm one hundred per cent fabulous heterosexual man meat. I'm living proof it works."
Ted Haggard - unemployed former holy man


"See, I told you. But I'm still not gay."
Larry Craig - former Senator and current men's room attendant

But Scripto, you say: Being that you have no knowledge of genetics and even less of embryology, how can you be so sure that homosexuality is innate rather than a choice? Here's how, doofus dear reader. When I was a lad there was a pair of twin boys that lived across the street. Let's call them A and B (B really was kind of a B, if you know what I mean). A liked girls. B liked boys. Now either B made this lifestyle choice sometime in kindergarten or he really didn't have any choice in the matter. What do you think?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Public Service Announcement



Mirrored this video in hopes of preserving this moment in sports history for posterity. Evidently David Feherty wandering around the Buick Open farting on mike is copyright protected. The PGA is no doubt worried that this will increase the popularity of televised golf and attract the wrong demographic. People who appreciate a good fart joke are unlikely to need Viagra or be inclined to buy a Buick.

UPDATE: The PGA has determined that Tiger Woods was not the source of the mysterious fart as he has a caddie that does all his farting for him. David Feherty is now identified as the likely culprit, although he has neither admitted nor denied his role in this affair. We at Woo University call on David to man up and come clean regarding his involvement in this unfortunate incident.